


Hold Me Until I Heal

by Ryokuryuupride



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Son Hak/Yona, Boyfriends working through their problems together, Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Making Out, Mild Sexual Content, Nightmares, Self-Indulgent, no actual smut though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryokuryuupride/pseuds/Ryokuryuupride
Summary: “I envy you,” he said before he could stop himself.Jae-Ha looked down at him then, his eyebrow raised. “Pardon?”Kija lifted his head, “You’ve always been able to just be. In Awa, you were allowed to simply exist and be yourself. I envy that.”---When Kija is insecure, Jae-Ha is there to be his freedom.
Relationships: Jae-Ha & Kija (Akatsuki no Yona), Jae-Ha/Kija (Akatsuki no Yona)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 65





	1. Kija's Envy

Kija had always felt trapped by his responsibilities. His duty as a dragon warrior, if his sacred master never came to sweep him off his feet and into the world, was to be bound by a life of waiting. Waiting for his existence to wither away as he stood at his window, wishing for a purpose. Wishing for someone to need him.

Still, he shouldered the burden. Not just his own, but his father’s on his back, and that of every White Dragon before him in his heart. He had to.

But watching Jae-Ha made him feel strange. This man who grabbed destiny by the collar and spat in its face, who made it his ultimate goal to live as he pleased... To Kija, his presence was akin to breathing for the first time.

It was one of those rare nights where they were alone, the others in their merry little group off in a village nearby, and they took advantage of it. Now, they laid in the darkness of the tent, bare skin pressed together. Jae-Ha ran his hands through Kija’s hair while Kija traced lazy circles on his chest. He could feel Jae-Ha’s heartbeat and how it quickened for just a moment every time he moved. He loved it here, so much he never wanted to leave.

“I envy you,” he said before he could stop himself.

Jae-Ha looked down at him then, his eyebrow raised. "Pardon?"

Kija lifted his head, “You’ve always been able to just _be_. In Awa, you were allowed to simply exist and be yourself. I envy that.”

“Were you not allowed to simply _be_?” Jae-Ha asked, his fingers trailing down from Kija’s hair to glide over his scarred back. The subtle gesture almost made Kija feel like crying.

In his village, he was not Kija. He was the White Dragon, the one who held a holy power in his hand and must be protected. He was worshipped and adored by his people as a god. His every need was waited on and every material possession he could ask for was given to him on a silver platter. But he was not Kija. He was not a person. He was an object to be admired, and a placeholder for the next White Dragon, and the next after, until the Crimson King rose again.

“No one in my village ever bothered to really get to know me. Besides my granny, no one cared _who_ I was. All that mattered was _what_ I was.”

“A dragon?” Jae-Ha asked.

Kija nodded.

Jae-Ha paused his hands for a moment, then took Kija’s waist and pushed him up so they were both sitting upright. He cupped Kija’s cheek and stroked it with his thumb. “You’re more than that, you know,” he said. His eyes were so soft and filled with love that Kija found himself breathless. “I didn’t think you were when I first met you. But every day I’ve known you, you’ve taken me by surprise. Getting to know you has been one of the biggest blessings of my life.”

That’s right. Jae-Ha didn’t see him as just a dragon. He was a man of principle, and he judged others on their actions. When Jae-Ha looked at him, he didn’t see the White Dragon. He saw Kija. That really was more than he could ever ask for.

He leaned up and kissed Jae-Ha, relishing in the warmth of his lips. Jae-Ha smiled into it, and pulled back to kiss Kija’s cheek. They held each other, foreheads pressed together, and Kija had never felt so safe.

Really, what had he done to deserve this man?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been writing much because so much of my time has been dedicated to more academic writing, and I've missed just writing for fun. I have several things that I've written, but they're all part of larger stories that I haven't fleshed out yet. So have this little drabble here! I'm leaving more chapters open as a possibility because I might add onto this if I feel like it, though I'm not sure yet.
> 
> Enjoy!


	2. Jae-Ha's Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae-Ha has some doubts about himself.

“Something’s going on with you, you wanna talk?”

Hak’s voice barely reached him, muffled from the heat of alcohol rushing through him like warm water. He knew he shouldn’t have another cup. He poured one anyway.

“I just,” Jae-Ha tilted his head back and drank. His tongue felt sticky and his usual confidence in his words had all but dissolved. “I just keep having the same dream over and over. Every time I try to sleep, it just won’t go away, and it’s…”

His head was pounding. Hak waited for him to string his feelings into words.

“It’s making me question things.”

“Like Kija?”

Jae-Ha looked up at him, eyes wide. “How’d you know that?”

Hak sighed and leaned back on his hands. The campfire crackled between them, a single gentle reminder of the world that existed outside Jae-Ha’s thoughts. “You’re really hesitant with him, like you’re afraid to touch him anymore. He told me about it the other night. He was pretty worried.”

It felt like a string snapped in Jae-Ha’s heart. Was he making Kija feel unwanted? He never meant it like that. He wanted this ugly new feeling to go away. Jae-Ha grabbed the bottle of sake but Hak pulled it from his hands.

“Time to cut you off, buddy.”

Jae-Ha tried taking deep breaths, but there was no air around him that didn’t feel like fire in his lungs. Hak reached out and rubbed his back.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with him anymore,” said Jae-Ha. “But my past keeps getting in the way. I used to be jealous of him. I thought he was some spoiled rich kid who got everything he wanted. I thought, ‘Why couldn’t I have grown up like that? Why did he get a mansion and a family and love while I got fists and chains?’”

Hak was silent.

“But I don’t feel that way anymore. Now it’s that I feel like I don’t deserve him. He’s got a past of his own and traumas just like me. But he stays pure and cheerful. He even told me, ‘What is there to be gloomy about?’ Can you believe that? No matter what he goes through, he always comes out of it without any doubt or change in his determination. I’m not like that.”

“Are you afraid you’re going to hurt him?”

“I don’t know,” Jae-Ha dropped his head and gripped his bangs tight, hoping the pain would make him think more clearly. “I feel like I’ll ruin his sense of hope or something.”

The nightmare he’d been plagued by wasn’t about him. It was of Kija, stumbling through the village that took Jae-Ha’s freedom. He’d cry out for Jae-Ha over and over, his voice cracking and his lip trembling. He was cold and helpless while the houses around him cast shadows of pitch black, until chains would shoot out from the darkness and drag him away.

Jae-Ha would wake up in a cold sweat and see Kija nuzzled against him, his head on his chest, and dread would engulf him. His greatest fear was being chained down, but now he began to worry that his own despair may drag down those around him. Somehow, he feared that Kija’s purity and desire to help may doom him to a fate of sharing Jae-Ha’s pain. That was something he never wanted for Kija.

So, he avoided it. Running away from his problems seemed to be Jae-Ha’s specialty, and this was no different. He found himself overly cautious around Kija, refraining from his usual clinging nature and keeping physical contact minimal. He’d tense at Kija’s touch and struggled to relax when they kissed. He felt like a ticking time bomb.

Hak cut through his thoughts. “If you’re just afraid that your bad experiences will mess him up, then you should get over yourself.” He took a swig straight from the bottle of sake while Jae-Ha gaped at him. “We’ve all been through hell, but we don’t let that stop us from all staying together. Trauma or no trauma, Kija loves being with you. He isn’t gonna be weighed down by something like this.”

Could he trust that? He didn’t want to continue things like this anymore. He wanted to hold Kija, to leave kisses on his hands and lips and all over his face. He wanted to cuddle him in the comfort of the tent at night. He wanted all of that back, nightmares be damned.

“What are you two doing out here this late?”

And suddenly the only thing in the world that mattered was that voice. Jae-Ha turned his head and Kija was standing there, his hair mussed and his voice groggy like he’d just woken up.

“Well!” Hak declared rather loudly as he stood. “I should probably get some sleep. Night, White Snake. Night, Droopy Eyes.” He gave Jae-Ha a rough pat on the back before making his way to the tent.

Jae-Ha locked eyes with Kija, and all the feelings he’d tried to drink out of existence that night came rushing to the surface. He couldn’t look away.

“You never came to bed,” said Kija. “Are you okay?”

Jae-Ha couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No. I haven’t been for a while.”

“What’s going on?” Kija stepped closer, his sweet face instantly lined with worry.

But Jae-Ha didn’t know how to explain it. He couldn’t think about anything other than Kija’s silhouette in the moonlight, and how badly he wanted to hold him. So he stood and closed the gap between them in one long stride.

He pulled Kija into his chest, trying to keep himself from swaying. Kija was alarmed, but understood, and placed his hands on Jae-Ha’s back.

“I’m sorry,” said Jae-Ha. “I’ve been making things weird recently. I didn’t mean to make you feel unwanted.”

He felt Kija’s breath hitch. They stayed there for a long moment, relishing in each others’ warmth. Finally, Kija broke the silence:

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“Mm,” Jae-Ha took a much-needed deep breath, taking in all of Kija that he could in his impaired state. “I will later. Right now…”

Jae-Ha squeezed him tighter.

“Just let me hold you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, new chapter of this, I suppose! I wasn't sure if I would continue this but then I had some ideas for it. Tbh I feel like this chapter isn't my best work? I'm not sure, but I'm not quite as happy with it as I am with other things I've written recently. But I'm posting it anyway because I'm a perfectionist and I know I'll never stop editing it if I don't. I have an idea for one more chapter of this, so I'm leaving the possibility for chapter 3 open for now. Though I do have some other stories I'd like to work on as well. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this, and thanks for reading!


	3. Their Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long road stained with insecurities, they find salvation in the rubble of the walls they tore down to make it here.

This was going to be a lovely day.

It had rained the night before and with the light of morning came the delicate sounds of water dripping from the treetops. Sunlight fell to the ground in patches between fluffy clouds, dancing and swirling with their movements. The world seemed calm and silent as the Happy Hungry Bunch was roused from sleep and everyone went about their daily chores.

Kija was tasked with washing laundry at the riverside. The water was refreshingly cool on his hands as he worked, and a gentle breeze ruffled his hair.

Such a wonderful morning made Kija feel at ease.

He was wringing out a pair of pants when warmth covered his back and arms circled around his waist. He smiled. This truly was a lovely day.

“Good morning, my love,” Jae-Ha said, nuzzled into his neck.

“Good morning,” Kija just couldn’t stop smiling now. He felt like he was floating, with Jae-Ha’s breath on his skin and voice in his ear, his arms holding him tight. He didn’t think he’d ever been happier. Though, he figured his lips could be doing something slightly better than grinning like a school girl’s. He turned his head and Jae-Ha got the clue right away, and gave Kija a gentle kiss.

After a moment Kija focused his attention back on the clothes in front of him. He set the clean pants aside and began washing another pair from the pile, the Green Dragon’s arms remaining snug around his waist while he scrubbed soap into the fabric.

“Kija, darling, be careful with your claw,” Jae-Ha shifted and took Kija’s hands to guide them. “I believe those are Yoon’s. He’ll be quite upset if you tear them up.” He led the other’s scaly fingers through the process, maneuvering his claws to avoid poking holes. Kija faintly thought it was funny.

“He’s reprimanded me quite a few times for that,” he said.

“I know. Remember when I took you to wash Shin-Ah’s robe after he got injured? You shredded it so badly that Yoon had to make him another one.”

“I felt so terrible,” Kija sighed. “I’ve gotten better though! I haven’t ripped a single thing yet.”

“Oh, yeah?” he could feel Jae-Ha’s smirk without even looking.

“Yes. I’m doing a plenty good job.”

Jae-Ha leaned in closer. “So you’ve gotten pretty good with your hands, then?”

Kija let out a strangled sort of noise, torn between either refuting the lewd comment or laughing. He decided instead on freeing his human hand and playfully flicking water into Jae-Ha’s face. It wasn’t much, barely enough to get him wet, but Jae-Ha took it as a declaration of war.

“Oh, you wanna go, do you?” he removed himself from Kija and pushed his bangs out of his face. “It is so  _ on, Hakuryuu!” _

__

“Get me back, if you can!”

__

Jae-Ha cupped his hand and splashed a large wave up toward Kija’s face, while Kija did his best to cover himself and retaliate. They went back and forth, laughing and drenching each other with every splash, the laundry completely forgotten. Jae-Ha stepped into the river and grabbed Kija’s hand to pull him in as well. They were waist-high, beaming and playing like children, and getting more drenched by the second. Finally, Kija took his dragon hand and expanded it to the size of half his body, cupped as much water as he could, and dropped it smack on top of Jae-Ha’s head. The battle was over.

__

He was laughing so hard he felt he might fall over. Jae-Ha stood frozen for a moment before spitting and shaking his hair out like a dog. He looked up at Kija’s laughing face and smiled at him in awe.

__

“Alright. You win.”

__

They were both soaked to the bone, the soft breeze now much more chilling, but all either of them felt was warmth. Still giggling, they moved forward and held each other. Kija wrapped his arms around Jae-Ha’s neck, and Jae-Ha lifted him up and squeezed him tight.

__

What a truly lovely day—

__

“You absolute BEASTS!!”

__

Oh.

__

“I GAVE YOU…  _ ONE JOB!! _ ”

__

\---

__

The group as a whole wanted to give Jae-Ha and Kija their space to be together. As with Hak and Yona when they became a couple, the others respected them enough to lend them occasional privacy. Yoon spent the rest of the afternoon sewing a smaller, separate tent for them.

__

“All you’re gonna do is flirt, anyway. You beasts, you can’t even focus on chores for five minutes.”

__

Kija felt bad, but he could hear the affection in Yoon’s voice, and knew he was happy for them.

__

He was sitting on his bedding and trimming his claws when Jae-Ha came into the tent— _ their _ tent—and plopped down next to him. Kija sensed those heavy-lidded eyes intently watching him as he filed down the sharp edges of his nails. Suddenly there was pressure on his skin, Jae-Ha taking his dragon hand into his own and kissing it. 

__

“Wha— _ careful! _ I could’ve scratched you,” Kija warned, even as his cheeks began to heat up.

__

“Mm,” Jae-Ha hummed, as if to say,  _ “Yes, yes. I know” _ . He relentlessly laid kiss after kiss on Kija’s hand, lavishing each knuckle with them and lazily dragging his lips over the scales.

__

Kija’s insides felt like fireworks lighting up in a blaze of adoration. And for as hot as his stomach felt, his legs grew unsteady beneath him.

__

“You’re being a lot more affectionate than usual,” he managed to say.

__

“I suppose I’m more comfortable than before,” said Jae-Ha. He turned Kija’s hand over and held it to his cheek, kissing the inside of his palm.

__

“Have those nightmares stopped?”

__

Jae-Ha smiled into his hand. It was one of relief.

__

“They have.”

__

Now it was Kija who smiled in turn. “I’m glad.”

__

He stroked Jae-Ha’s cheek with his thumb, still careful of his nails, and brought his other hand up to trail his fingers along his jaw. Jae-Ha leaned in and pressed his forehead to Kija’s. All the time they would finally be able to spend alone together every night felt like a dream. They stayed there, sharing breaths, not knowing or caring how much time passed.

__

A long moment came and went before Jae-Ha slowly, deliberately, moved one hand to Kija’s face and the other to his hip. Kija moved his own fingers to trace the other's lips. It wasn’t long until even the tiny distance between them became too much to bear, and their lips pressed together in perfect, infinite bliss.

__

The air rushed out of Kija’s lungs, and instead his senses were overwhelmed with the sweet taste of Jae-Ha’s mouth. His hands felt tingly and he could feel the heat spreading through his body. He shivered as Jae-Ha’s tongue brushed his bottom lip.  _ Gods, they hadn’t done this in so long… _

__

Jae-Ha gently pushed him down into the bedding and climbed on top of him, running his hands up and down Kija’s sides. The kisses were deeper now, more desperate. Kija pulled the ribbon out from Jae-Ha’s hair and threaded his hands through the long strands. He sighed into his mouth with every movement, already finding it difficult not to make noise.

__

Jae-Ha finally broke away to leave a trail of hot, wet kisses down Kija’s neck. The fingers tangled in his hair tightened their grip as Kija whimpered. It was too much. But it wasn’t enough. Jae-Ha caught his lips again as he moved his human hand to unbutton that hindrance of a robe.

__

He was breathless and utterly weak beneath Jae-Ha, his brain fully overloaded, his focus on him and him alone. Every touch sent electricity down his spine and every low groan from Jae-Ha’s throat turned his innards to mush.

__

And between sloppy kisses and the pounding of his heart, he faintly heard the words,

__

_ “I love you.” _

__

Kija froze mid-kiss with his eyes wide open. Just as suddenly, Jae-Ha raised himself up, bracing on his hands. His face filled with panic and Kija realized that Jae-Ha was just as shocked as him, if not more so, that those words had come out of his mouth.

__

“I…” Jae-Ha’s cheeks went red. “I’m, uh…”

__

It was the most Kija had ever seen him blush.  _ Cute _ .

__

“I’m so sorry,” he finally got out. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

__

The rush of heat in Kija’s chest abruptly felt like it was freezing over. He hesitated with his words, afraid of what he might hear next. “Was it not true, then?”

__

“Well, of course it’s true,” Jae-Ha reassured him. He also seemed to be choosing his words carefully, averting his eyes while he carved out his next sentence. “I do love you. I just didn’t mean to say it out loud. Not quite yet.”

__

A flood of euphoria drowned Kija’s mind and melted the ice that had sown doubt into his heart. For the second time today, he couldn’t stop smiling. Though, when Jae-Ha looked at him with a nervous gaze, he figured his lips could be doing something slightly better than grinning like a school girl’s.

__

He pulled Jae-Ha back down to kiss him softly. After a moment he brushed loose hair behind Jae-Ha’s ear and held his gaze with all the love in the world. Jae-Ha looked like he wanted to say, or rather, ask something. Kija knew what it was, and he wasn’t going to let him ask anything, because he already had the answer for him.

__

And as Jae-Ha opened his mouth to do just that, Kija was the first to break the silence.

__

_ “I love you, too.” _

__

Jae-Ha’s eyes went wide. Kija could see him wracking his brain for some sort of response, but instead he started laughing. He collapsed forward onto Kija, giggling and burying his face in his hair.

__

“And all this time I was so worried about saying it. You really scared me, there.” He slowly lifted his face to meet Kija’s eyes again, and in them he saw everything he’d ever wanted and more. “You really love me back?”

__

Kija’s smile was one of pure devotion as he held Jae-Ha’s face and said, “How could I  _ not _ love you?”

__

Jae-Ha let out another breathless laugh and they kissed, again and again and again.

__

At that moment, there was nothing else in the world that mattered. Just their lips and their voices, repeating “I love you” like there were no other words to ever be said. 

__

It was truly the most lovely day he could ask for.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!! I wasn't expecting to write this much but I just kept coming up with more stuff to put in. This one's just entirely self-indulgent fluff to make up for the angst of the first two chapters (especially the second one). I've never actually written any sort of sexual scene before? Obviously they didn't go all the way in this but there was still heavy making out and it's?? It's a little strange to write, admittedly. I'm not super used to it 😅 But I still had fun with it and I think this turned out alright!
> 
> Thanks for joining me on this little mini journey that I didn't think I'd make multiple chapters for!!


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